we need JOKES!!!!

the cornier the better!!!




Q. what do ya get when ya throw a green pickle into the Black Sea?

A. wet



now THAT is bout as corny as ya can get so lets hear/read some damn jokes yall
life is too long to be taken serious all the time!!

The other day at the mall my girlfriend called me a pedophile.
I said "Wow, that's a really big word for an 8 year old."

lil Johnny was settin outside the church slappin the porch n sayin "Damn piss ants"
preacher man walks up n asks him why he was killin gods creatures to which Johnny replied "because they're totally useless!!!"
preacher man says, "ok Johnny, if you can name 3 things god has put on this planet that are totally useless, I'll letcha kill all of the ants ya wanna"
Johnny never even blinked an eye, he just looked up at the preacher n said "1. peckers on preachers 2. tits on a nun 3. these god damned piss ants!!!!"

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked, Do you know what it Is?

"No, I don't," said the little boy.

"Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your Mommy before he goes to work."

Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it out! It's a piece of ass!"




An Irishman goes to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church. 'Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month.'



The priest tells the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.'



Soon after, another Irishman enters the confessional. 'Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months.'



This time the priest questions, 'Who is Nookie Green?'



'A new woman in the neighborhood,' the sinner replies.



'Very well,' sighs the priest. 'Go and say ten Hail Mary's.'



At Mass the next morning, as the priest prepares to deliver his sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop dead gorgeous redhead woman enters the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down right in front of the priest.



Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes.



The priest and altar boy gasp, as the woman in the matching green shoes and dress sits with her legs slightly spread apart.



The priest turns to the altar boy and whispers, 'Is that Nookie Green?'



The bug-eyed altar boy can't believe his ears but replies, 'No, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes.'

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her.

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and gave the woman the finger.

"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself.

I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why I drive 48 miles each way every day to work. That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.

That brings the number to so! meeting like 36,000 cars that I pass every day. Statistically, females drive half of these.

That's 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life is dissatisfying or unrewarding.
That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide.

That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.

Give one the finger? ...... I think not.

Q: What's the best thing about fucking 28 year olds?
A: There's 20 of them.